Horribly Expired Strawberry Wafers

The other day we stopped at a gas station. My wife and I were a bit hungry and so we decided to to grab a snack. My wife loves those wafer cookies, you know the chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry kind. They used to come in a variety pack that had all three flavors. Unfortunately, all I seem to be able to find are the individual packs.

Anyhow, the gas station had these in stock and they sounded good, so after much debate we settled on the strawberry wafers which were only 75 ¢ which was quite the bargain.

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We bought the wafers and a Frozen Run and a Cherrikee Red, and headed out the door. When we got to the car, my darling wife opened the package. A strong smell of pungent artificial strawberry filled the car (and our nostrils) with its delectable odor.

My wife pulled one out.

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It looked normal. The pink was just the right neon color that there is no way God created in nature. The cookie had the crisp, waffle-crossed outer layers sandwiching the thin cream. It certainly smelled like strawberries.

My wife bit into one.

“Oh, my,” she said, and abruptly spit it out.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Taste this,” she said.

I don’t know why humans do this. You bite into something awful and you immediately want to share. I do not want to smell that horrid odor that almost gagged you. I don’t want to touch that slimy thing that made you squirm, and I most definitely do not want to taste something that made you want to hurl.

“Why?” I asked.

“It’s stale,” she said.

Stale? This thing was like left on a Southern California counter for three months unwrapped stale. It was nastier than nasty stale. It was like eating a solid piece of stale, like opening a box of artificially flavored strawberry Stovestop Stuffing and then digging in.

My wife flipped over the package.

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Nothing strange captured our attention until we saw the expiration date.

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What the what?

Dear Lord, this thing was expired a year and a half ago! This is insane! Unfortunately, by the time we realized the travesty that had been these wafers, we were a hundred miles down the road. I was tempted to turn around and go back just on principle.  But my wife assured me that it wasn’t worth the 75 ¢. But boy was I angry.

The main thing that bothered me was the fact that these cookies have so many preservatives that they still look fresh, even though you could dig a hole through a wall at Shawshank with these wafers.

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See? Other than the fact that the cream looks a bit discolored, these look yummy, don’t they?

Anyway, if you are driving through the Pennsylvania countryside, reach for an Frozen Run, but stay away from the wafer cookies.

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