Celebrating the 4th of July

So yesterday was the fourth.

I had meant to post this little ditty last night, but we didn’t get home until midnight and I had a really important meeting this morning, so I had to go straight to bed – after all, Deigh without his beauty sleep is an ugly sight to behold.

Unfortunately, my neighbors must not have realized that I wanted seven hours of good shuteye, because those jackwagons decided to shoot huge booming artillery shells off until about two in the morning. I tried putting a pillow over my head, sleeping in the closet, and finally shooting a warning shot out my back sliding door with my 12 gauge, but none of it worked. Finally, after I began pelting them with frozen balls of dog feces (don’t ask, don’t tell)  I fell into an irritated, restless sleep that led to dreams of Bea Arthur, some Nutella, and a collie named Beau.

But back to yesterday . . .

As per usual, the Misses and I hauled our little family over to my cousin’s house by the lake. There was boating, tubing, swimming, eating, drinking, and my cousin, Tommy. Let me tell you, after a few Midori melon bombs, that guy is really a hoot to be around, just keep him away from the sister-in-laws.

But the real attraction, and the reason we continue to go year after year is actually quite simple. You see, I like fireworks, but I hate spending $200 – $300 on something I am going to blow up. Luckily, my cousin is an attorney and most of his friends have money – money to burn – money to blow stuff up with. I swear these guys save up all year, and are literally dying to blow up $100 bills if given half the chance.

They come like pilgrims, bringing their offerings for the gods of BOOM!

Behold, the shrine of wonder.


Or should I say, table(s) of wonder(s). Look at all this crap! This was a ton of stuff to blow up. On these tables are an assortment of all kinds of fountains, boxes, candles, and crackers. One of them was a 5,000 firecracker jamboree which lasted over 5 minutes. Talk about awesome! Some of you might think you had more or better stuff to blow, but I’m here to tell you, you didn’t. This was only half the stuff, because around sunset, MORE people came, with MORE stuff.

Unfortunately, Iphone 5’s suck in low light.

Anyway, here is more of the daytime pics of the loot.


I wish I could tell you what each and every one of these little beauties can do, but unfortunately, I decided that this year I would be a voyeurist, rather than a participant. I didn’t add to the pot, so I didn’t feel right blowing other people’s crap up .  .  . especially in this economy.

So I was a looker.

But I do have a few more snapshots of what was exploded, and then you can do the heavy lifting through Google if you really need to know what these do. I would do it for you, but hey! my neighbors blew crap up until 2:00 and I am too tired to make this post that professional.

I will say that in the picture below you will find some rockets, a fountain or two, three pink cylinders, something that looks like it is from World of Warcraft, something that has a helicopter on it, Night Lights – which looks like it could be shot off at a Greenwich Village parade, and on top of that – “The What A Blast”block.

Hmmmm. Pink Cylinders, Night Lights, and What a Blast . . .? Anyhew. . .


From this angle, we can make out several ladybugs, what appears to be a tube of caulk, pink palm tress, and some kind of muppet eyes and nose.


Who bought these things, anyway??


But all the above was just pomp and circumstances, ladies and gents. Because the invention of lawyers, doctors, and architects led to these bad boys, below.


That’s right, the GRAND FINALE!

Picture, if you will, two sheet of plywood, 16 blocks of manly fireworks (including one called The Perfect Storm), and 15 feet of industrial strength fusing.

That’s right, now you have a bonanza.

Here is another view of the Hawtness.


Nothing says, “CELEBRATE YOUR INDEPENDENCE” quite like blowing stuff to kingdom come. What a cool holiday! There are other holidays that do this kind of stuff (i.e. Guy Fawkes and Japanese Firework Festivals), but nothing seems more innately American than stealing technology from the Chinese and then using it to blast away the night sky.

And is just me, or has the 4th gotten decidedly cooler over the years? When I was a kid, it seems that all we could buy were those snake things – that looked remarkably like turds growing out of the sidewalk and always left me feeling a bit queasy and slightly ashamed after they had burned out – and those flaming blooming flower things. Most of the big stuff was illegal.

But for the last eight years, or so, we have been blasting the crap out of the 4th. Where I live, we are able to buy and shoot things that used to be commercial grade.

In fact, the lake was surrounded by distant neighborhoods, and starting at about 8:30, there was a never-ending cacophony of exploding sparks, screaming missiles, and deep-throated booms that lasted until almost midnight (2:00 if you live in my cursed neighborhood).

But still, you combine food, folks, alcohol and bombs, and what can go wrong? I love this holiday!

Now I know what you are thinking. You wanna know what that grand finale looked like going off, don’t you? I know I did. So without further ado, I now present to you “The Grand Finale”, in full 720 p (don’t watch the 1080 version, it is jumpy and sucks)!

Enjoy, and be thankful that after a night like that, we still have all our digits . . .

2 thoughts on “Celebrating the 4th of July

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